what to do with this child

She's cute.  Oh. so. cute.

My favorites are the snuggly moments.  Moments that make my heart swell so that I wonder if it will erupt.  In those moments, her eyes shine and sparkle, her smile lights up a room, her laughter is contagious.  

She has the ability to stop strangers in their tracks to watch her dance and sing and listen to her story.  Each one feels compelled to say "She's adorable, or sooo cute, or beautiful."  She is all of these things.

Teachers say, "We love having her in our classroom.  She is so creative and bright.  Her stories are amazing and she brings such energy.  The other children just respond to her."

Grandparents pause lovingly at the very sight of her.  Then they shake their heads, smiling all the while.  One usually says, "she is something."  And everyone agrees.

It seems the world stands still on its axis when she arrives.  Every eye drawn to see the beauty, grace, entertainer, and story teller that is Pie.

There is another side of her though that rises abruptly, unforeseen.  This side emerges at home, in public, and in quite unpredictable ways.  The world stops just the same, but this scene is challenging, trying, emotional, and ugly.

Tears that come in anticipation of being told 'no,' screaming that erupts because she understands the day to be something it is not, hitting because she's not getting her way, and lashing out with mean, hurtful statements that make my blood run cold.

In fact, as I write this she has just finished her bath.  A playful scene full of imaginative stories starring her naked dolls swimming next to her in the tub.  Papa has asked her to dry herself off and get dressed.  A blood curdling scream: "I can't."  Startling.  Tears, throwing.  This from the girl who toasted and buttered her own bagels for breakfast.

These moments leave me and Papa feeling helpless, unable to respond, out of control.  These moments are compounded by our own anger and the vulnerable, sensitive reactions of her older siblings.  Dinners spoiled, family time unraveled, the best memories muted.

I know these behaviors to come from her attempt to move from baby to big girl, yet longing to stay baby in some ways.  I know these behaviors to come from not feeling heard.  I know these behaviors to come from intellect beyond her maturity.  

Though, these behaviors scare me.  When she hurts another.  When she destroys a thing.  When I can't help her understand.  When I can't anticipate her expectations.  When I can't calm her down.  When she's pushed both me and Papa to exasperation. 

Are you a mother who has had experience with a spirited child?  How have you met her needs without sacrificing the needs of everyone else? How do you find a balance between setting limits and allowing a child to find their own?  What words of wisdom can you offer?

I'm thankful for the sweet moments for they come more frequently than the challenging ones.  I just want to understand the challenging ones, too.