teaching death

A difficult title, I know.

It's been a tough weekend for my children.  First, the disappointing news that we wouldn't be able to go to a promised opening night of a much anticipated movie.  I know this seems trivial, but for my oldest, this was a BIG deal.  He sobbed, but listened to the alternatives and graciously pulled himself together to make a good, yet difficult decision.  It was a big moment.

Though, the difficult news expanded into his evening as we put him to bed and noticed his pet fish of two years was swimming erratically in the tank.  The end was near.  Again, the emotional tears followed by questions.  We agreed to pray - him for his fish to live, me for his fish to not suffer and pass quickly.  A familiar and opposing prayer for anyone who has lost someone they love.

A few nights ago we talked about my grandfather.  It would have been his birthday, how many years I am not sure.  I shared this with my son and he asked me to tell him more.  My grandfather was a kind and funny man.  He LOVED his grandchildren.  I remember the walks to the ice cream store, the pasta dinners at his home, and football - on television, at the stadium.  He spoiled us well.

My son's remark - I wish I could meet him.  My reply, Someday you will meet him - in heaven.  

He continued, My teacher (at a church program) told me that we wouldn't go to heaven if we don't believe in Jesus.  My heart sank.  

There are lots of folks that believe that, I said, but I don't.  I believe God loves us all and will bring us all home to heaven.  He liked that idea and settled.

Tonight, we buried our fish friend and closed that chapter.  As we walked back to the house we saw a rainbow.  My son exclaimed, maybe the rainbow is good luck, Mom.

Maybe, I replied.

Mother

Photo taken by my 3 year old daughter

Somehow I've gotten from being a small, fragile, sweet smelling newborn, the object of my mother's affection, to a woman sharing affection with three children of my own.  I don't suppose it was really "somehow."  I got here because my mother helped me.

She set an example of what it meant to love, to teach,to listen, to be quiet, to worry, to care, to let go, to hold on.  

To this day, she still worries more than she should.  Though, I know fully that her worry comes from a genuine desire for me to be happy and well.  

She still lets go knowing I'll need to learn from my own mistakes.  She still holds on watching me parent my own children and offering her care when we need it.  

She still teaches me things that come from her own earned wisdom.  

She still listens and listens and listens!  For someone who thinks out loud about things big and small, a listening mother is the BEST THING OF ALL!

She still loves with a warm, big, open heart!

Eight years ago, her mother died.  Each Mother's Day she is reminded of the empty space her mother once filled and the gifts her mother gave her.  In a week when I've been thinking of giving and receiving, I know what my mother has given me.  And I know that I could never return the generosity (I haven't even purchased a Mother's Day gift for crying out loud).  For she is big in her giving, as was her mother.  I suppose she would say that my giving back is to pass along to my own children the kindness, love, caring, compassion, and listening that she has given me.  I will sure try!

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!  I love you!

And Happy Mother's Day to all dear mothers reading this today!

Expressions

Children are exceptionally good at giving and receiving.  I have received hundreds of loving creations from my own children, nieces and nephews, and my children's choir children years ago.  Most creations don the large print words "TO:" and "FROM:" and "I LOVE YOU."  And these are some of my favorite gifts to receive.  I am thankful for the construction paper memos, torn pieces of paper, and post-it after post-it of generosity.

Mother's Day is around the corner and the colorful, heart-felt sentiments are already on my counter and refrigerator.  My heart is open and excited for each creation!

What have I given today?

     a compliment

     a welcome back

     a good morning

     computer assistance

     answers to students' questions

     an hour & a half of pretend play (princess & stepmother) with my youngest daughter

     encouragement

     a gift to my husband (a sitter for our upcoming anniversary)

     a late night snack (not for me!)

What have I received?

     a readiness and anticipated need fulfilled by a staff member

     an opportunity

    

     laughter

     affirmation

     

     love

     hugs & kisses - lots

What have you given and received today?

Broken Heart

He seemed sad all evening, but didn't say much.  As is the case for most parents, it is at bed time that children begin to open up.  This night is no different.

Earlier he had written her a note warning her that others were trying to trick her and expressing his concern for her.  The flip side of the note dawned the X marks the spot boxes asking her to reply with she likes me or she likes me not.

He really likes her.  I mean with every ounce of his being really likes her.  This night, he is jealous that other boys in his class have joined him at the girl's table and are able to make her laugh.

He called her last weekend unbeknownst to us.  He told her he liked her - really liked her.  She replied, "OK" and giggled.  He wants to tell her again - face to face.  He cries because he is afraid to tell her in person.

I'm thinking you're way too young, why are you even thinking about love?  I'm thinking her parents are going to fall over if they know you are talking about love to her!  I say "Honey, I know you care about her and I know you want to protect her from the boys who are trying to trick her. But, she needs to make that decision on her own.  You can't make decisions for her."  

I say "I'm reading a book.  And I'm learning something that I think might help you.  The author says that you should know what you want - have clear goals.  For you the goal is to know that she likes you.  

Once you know what you want, imagine yourself having it.  What does it mean to know that she likes you?  Close your eyes and imagine.

Once you know what you want and imagine yourself there, let it happen.  Get out of the way.  Don't force it to happen.  Don't annoy her.  When the moment to talk about it is right, you'll know.  Just wait for the moment."

He says "OK" and really feels better.  He really seems to get it.  And I think you're 7.  Why do you get this idea better than I do!

L.O.V.E.

Love (daughter's craft project)

I know, I'm a little late for Valentine's Day!  But, I've been thinking a lot about LOVE lately because...

I recently read Eat Pray Love and she talked a lot about the fullness and wholeness and richness and warmth of God's love which she discovered during her meditation practice while in India.

Because I want to know that kind of love (not that I don't know love), but I long to know God's love so intimately.

Because this journey has been bringing me closer to the love of my life (my husband).

Because yesterday's Gospel reading was from Matthew in which we are encouraged to not only love when it is easy, but to love when it is tough.

Because I want to work with my students in a way that is patient and comes from love, rather than judgment and frustration.

Because I have three children that remind me daily of what love is - a colored picture, a hug, a gift made at school, a song, a dance, a joke, laughter.

Good and gracious God, 

Thank you for your love, unconditional and ever present.  Thank you for loving us, even when it is tough.  Thank you for children who are shining examples of your love.  Help me to be an example of your love to all those in my life - my family, my friends, my coworkers, my students, even to those who I will find tough to love!