this moment {reading by candlelight}

Linking with SouleMamma and many others:

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Creating Christmas

Our home has been buzzing with good creative holiday preparations and I am grateful for it all.  This morning, my son recommended a movie I should watch and my gut reaction was "I don't have time." Quickly I realized how much a complaint that sentiment sounded and I thought I'd better clarify.

We've been busy, yes, very, very busy.  But I have enjoyed every. single. moment.  The busyness of making gifts has gifted me with being in the present moment with my children, adoring their own expressions of creativity.  This year, with a job change, these creations have included Papa Bear. Oh my, how wonderful it is to have him fully present in this season.  It's been a long time.  So thankful I truly am!

We've settled into a rhythm this year - a balance of homemade gifts, gifts that help and serve the world in need, and store bought gifts.  It is certainly the hand mades that seem to have brought peace and warmth into our home this holiday season.

Breads for teachers, handmade packaging, photo gifts from my own collection, and even our own Christmas Eve worship and tapestry.  So today, I share with you this gift of our creating... Enjoy!

Blessings from our home to yours!  May this holiday season be warm, filled with love and peace, and bring you lots of good reason to create!

getting uncomfortable (chalice lighting)

Last Sunday, I was privileged to serve as worship associate which pulled me out of my comfort zone.  Part of the responsibilities included writing a personal reflection to share as chalice lighting.  This meant sharing a little of who I am with a community I don't know well.  This is a challenge for me, but one I'm happy I accepted.  Here is my reflection...

Paulo Freire, an educator, asserted that children are not empty vessels in which adults can pour in information.  Rather, they hold within them innate knowledge and life experience which helps them understand even the most complex concepts. I learned of his liberation pedagogy as a graduate student.  Little did I know that this single text would become one of the most powerful influences on my role as parent. To let my children discover the world from within themselves, shaping their learning from my own life experience, my own knowledge, and my own questions.

So, too, has been our experience in shaping their spiritual lives - sharing our thoughts, ideas, and beliefs not as fact but as guide.  More importantly, staying open to their questions, their ideas.  Whether it's Jacob's affinity for polytheism and the gods ability to hold force over nature, Ella's assertion that there is one God, neither male nor female, encompassing  both genders as co-creators of this Universe, or Meghan's mastery of the intangible gifts taught in RE - love, forgiveness, friendship.  Ask her sometime to share what these elusive concepts mean.  You'll certainly walk away with more depth in your own understanding.

Their sense of spirituality may sometimes challenge mine.  But they are open, eager, curious, questioning, and can, at the drop of a dime, move their attention and emotional energy clear away from the heaviness of this conversation to something more present.  Something right here, right now.  I think this may be the greatest lesson in spirituality taught to me by my children.  To be very present... with them...with life.  To get myself unstuck from distance brought on by the intensity of thoughts and ideas floating in my head and to...simply ...be.

We light this chalice to honor the child-like questioning and curiosity in each of us, to welcome this enthusiasm and energy into our own spiritual lives, and to acknowledge the innate knowing found in us all.

this moment (tender moments)

Linking with SouleMamma and many others:

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

a music corner

A music corner - something I always imagined I'd have in my own home.  Though in my days of imagining I assumed I would have ALWAYS had one.  In my college days, I would never have imagined days of not playing my flute or singing in a choir.  Even in my early adult and working days, I would never have thought I would pick up my beloved instrument only once or twice a year.

Being a musician defined my early life.  Lessons, rehearsals, ensembles, solos, concerts, church services...this is what I recall of my youth.  I excelled and knew competence.  I failed and knew defeat.  I worked hard and showed talent.  Music was part of my fiber and I knew it would always be.

So, to find that the early part of parenthood for me would be defined by many other things than music surprised me greatly.  My flute has been largely packed away.  Performances few and far between.  No solos, no ensembles, no concerts.  There is a piece of me packed away in those things hoping someday to find its way back out.  But such is the life of a parent.  The makings of a life for three little people have taken center stage.

When they were little, I dreamed of piano players and vocalists...watching them learn and master instruments.  I delighted in any sign of innate rhythm and talent.  And then I watched them show interest in soccer, t-ball, basketball, video games, gymnastics, cheerleading, art.  I love to see them each explore new things and even to shine now and then.  But I have to admit, my heart grew heavy with each non-musical interest.

But this summer, it happened.  One, then another, and still another, expressed interest in piano.  Now the sounds of simple tunes, melodies, and harmonies, wrong notes and wrong rhythms fill my home.  More so, they fill my heart.  To hear the sweet exercises in treble and bass, to help them learn their notes, to count and sing along.  This is the stuff of my dreams.  I am thrilled!  We've added viola to the offering and I've been able to play my flute along with them.  It's truly delightful!

Among all the pieces of furniture that make our house home, we've now added a music corner.  I'm not one to function well in clutter, but I welcome this clutter with open arms and a joyous voice.  Singing along and making music!

this moment

Linking with SouleMamma and many others:

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

build community

Build community wherever you go.  

Build community...

This phrase is a charge given to her young nuns by Saint Angela Merici many years ago.  I was first introduced to Angela while working at a small Catholic women's college some years ago, though Angela's focus on community will stick with me always.  Angela understood long before feminism the importance of a strong network of women and the role women play in each other's lives - a role of nurture and compassion and affirmation.  

I was so warmly reminded of how beautiful communing with women often is at gladsome this past weekend.  Strangers quickly became connected partners in creating, important constants in our own personal journeys.  How quickly and beautifully this community of women came to trust, to share, to shape, to inspire, to hold, and to encourage one another.  This short pause in time taken with intention by each woman in the group.  This short opportunity to breathe that will lead us deeper into our true, authentic self.  This shared and common experience that will forever tie us in spirit to one another.

I am so thankful to have shared this second gladsome retreat with this new group of women.  I am thankful that each woman opened herself to the experience.  I am thankful for the gifts I had to offer and how warmly they were received.  This is truly humbling, to know I've touched the lives of others.  A powerful surprise and reminder of how important it is to make good use of these gifts.

I am just...thankful for gladsome!

this moment {dinnertime laughter}

Linking with SouleMamma and many others:

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

May you be filled with laughter and joy!

a giving heart

The baby was born weighing only 15 ounces, read the newsletter.  Before I knew what the article was about, I'd begun reading it aloud right in the midst of little ears.  He's doing well and gaining weight, it continued.  But Mom has had to take a leave from work and travel daily to the city (over an hour away).  They could use our help.

Feeling empathy as only mothers can, this story struck me to my core.  I could feel the hollow in my heart that would never mend if I were her.  The terror in the thought of this being my child.  The gratitude that it never was.  Tears streamed my face and my children fell silent, intently listening for the ending.

As the final words of instruction for families wishing to make donations fell from my lips, Peace bolted from the room. I was fearful this story had been too much for her sensitive heart.  Then I realized... she had bolted for the very first $10 she earned in chores just the day before.  Following her lead, Pie found every penny, nickel, dime, and quarter she could fit in her tiny little hands.  

Together they made cards pondering what would be the best message for this family.  Should the message be of hope? of peace? simply to say we are sorry? The envelopes were stuffed with every possible monetary contribution the two of them could make and even wishes they had more to give.

How much is 15 ounces Daddy? He found a can of green beans in the pantry and helped them feel the weight.  How much should a baby weigh Daddy? Something like this gallon of milk.  Flickers of knowing and sadness in each set of eyes as they lifted that gallon.

Then, talk of how they could spread the word ensued.  We'll tell our friends and our class and collect money for this family.  Their kindness and generosity contagious and palpable.

For all the busyness of our home, this was a moment that made time stop.  We were still and with one another and safe and thankful.  I was in awe of the children who have blessed me with the name Mom.

home

Home....

This simple and lovely word has been very present on my mind of late.  What does it mean, exactly? How does one find home?  How does one make home?

Paint is my usual answer.  Just paint the walls.  This color or that.  Warm or cool.  Paint will make this place home.  You see, that's the extrovert in me which believes if I can control what's on the outside, I will feel in control on the outside.  Unfortunately, I have a strong introverted side that doesn't fall much for this pretense and still looks inwardly for answers.

It seems I have a tendency to know in my being when I am not in a place to call home.  That shy, pulled back temperament sneaks in and effectively shuts off all intention of interacting with others.  I am guarded.  

I've done my fair share of whining about how this place is exactly that -- NOT home.  Work, community, churches, the narrowness of it all.  I've held the same position at the same institution for eight years and feel no more part of that community than I did the day I first stepped on campus.  Such irony for a campus known for its warmth and welcome.  It's there, to be sure.  Just not for me and I am not alone in this experience.

For much of my life there has been no place more like home than church, especially when I was making music with others.  I'm still working hard to find home in that space.

As I've not been able to find it in the traditional places, I've been yearning for home.  A place where my body softens.  Where I might laugh.  Where I might stop trying to figure things out for just a bit.  Where hugs are genuine and strong and the people inside know the heaviness of my heart before I even speak a word.  Where once inside, the heaviness falls away.  Just...like...that.  So simple.

My respite has been my mother's home where my guard comes crashing down and I stop doing.  This is a place where I can say aloud the thoughts on my mind and don't fear they will go unheard or belittled.  Where the loneliness of my darkest hours finds company and my spirit strengthens.  This I call home...

I want so very much for my own home to be this space for me, for my children.  I notice how there is tension when we greet others in our home and I wonder what I've done wrong.  Somehow our home seems a base, a place to clean and straighten before heading out into the world in our own separate ways. A place where doing gets in the way of being and there is much to be done.

A few weeks ago, a dear friend invited me and my family to a peace pole dedication. I watched as my son leaped through the front door to find his new friend and thought how he looked as though he were home, a place quite familiar and comfortable.  As I crossed her threshold, I felt it too.  H.O.M.E.

She told me later she was glad we came.  Holding back tears, I replied...it feels a little like being home.  And it did.  So many dear friends and friendships unchanged.  I recognized myself in her home -- my own warmth, my own love, my own softening.

I think of her words often.  She thanked her guests for coming that day and making her new house feel more and more like home.  She's written about the moments in their new house that add to the feeling of home.  I've witnessed her being that sings an example of making home for every person who comes through her door.

Following our visit, I had a strong urge to paint. I brought home paint samples galore with a patchwork of colors still fixed to my kitchen wall. We did paint the dining room.  But, Papa looked at me in the middle of my frenzy.  He gave me those eyes that said this isn't about paint.  And he was right.  It is all about finding home...

this moment

Linking with SouleMamma and many others:

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

tribute to teachers

We have officially crossed from one family era to the next with preschool graduation of our youngest.  No more full-time daycare.  All three children in one school, on one schedule (for now...).

I am thrilled to have reached this milestone and, of course, the feeling is bittersweet.  I love the toddler and preschool years and this moment ceremoniously marks the end of that stage.  I will miss it so!  But, I do look on to our next phase with excitement and eager heart.  I truly enjoy watching my children grow in the face of new situations and I know this next phase comes with new learnings, new aches, new joys, new sorrows.  For me, this is welcome!

Thinking through this change, my reflection has turned to the wonderful teachers and caregivers who have blessed our children and their early learning.  I think of the criticism our educational institutions receive.  I think of the governmental influences that make my stomach turn.  But, then I think of Miss A, Mrs. R, Mrs. G, Mrs. S., Grandma S and all the beautiful women and men who have willingly stepped into our lives and given all they could.  They shaped our children's love of learning.  They encouraged their word development and language skills.  They taught our littles to explore and express their emotions.  They listened.  They hugged.  They used every ounce of energy in their bodies and minds to expand and mold the minds and hearts of our children.  

There is not thanks enough for them.  They - each and every one of them - have restored my faith in teachers and in our education system.  They've affirmed my belief that it is the impact of a few loving individuals who make a difference in our lives.

So, I thought it would be fitting to share the many faces of teachers we have come to know.  These are photos from Pie's preschool graduation and I think they express how committed and passionate our teachers are.  This is a tribute to them!

Education is a precious gift.  And I  am thankful we've been gifted with outstanding teachers along our educational journey.  We've taken the time to share this gratitude with them because we know all too well that it will be over sooner than we know...

this moment

Linking with SouleMamma and many others:

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

a silly little thing

My Facebook status this morning read:

Agenda for our first day of summer break: strawberry picking, making jam, swimming.
Weather for our first day of summer break: cloudy and raining. Bummer!

So we didn't get to head into the acres of strawberry fields, stooping low to find those sweet berries, tasting a few as we go (ahem), and staining our fingers red.  Maybe next time.

There was a moment where I was truly worried.  I've been quietly waiting for those roadside signs, made of wood and hand-painted, that read STRAWBERRIES - 1 MILE. Two days ago my van rounded the bend and there it was - that Amish farm sign with that sweet, sweet message - the strawberries are ready!

 The strawberries are ready, just as we are preparing to leave our home and travel to the much warmer air of Texas where there will be no such sweetness this time of year.  There will be water, lots of it.  And family and cousins, and relaxing, and swimming.  But my stubborn mind was anxious to put away freezer jam before this short berry season passed us by.

I did manage to buy 4 quarts of berries this morning and was able to get jam loaded in the freezer.  And, the kind lady at the farm stand assured me the berries would still be ripening when we return from our vacation.  

How silly to fret over a few jars of jam.  How silly to worry that we'd miss the season.  Sigh!

So I'm moving from my silly, but very yummy jam, to packing, laundry, packing, and... did I say packing!

May you know the seasons and all their blessings in every ounce of your being and may you have the sense to stay rooted in this very present moment!