these two little ladies

In our brimming home this summer were two amazing little girls filled with personality and life.  It's funny how similar these two are.  It's perplexing what a challenge they can both be to their parents.  It's confounding how intensely they experience life - both confident and strong-willed, both vivacious and spirited, both joyous and determined.

So to see these two interact, I imagine, would be a developmental psychologists dream.  Fortunately, my sister and I are not psychologists so we could simply enjoy the wonder of this pair.

During their visit, these two were inseparable.  And their pretend play was interactive, imaginative, playful and simply wonderful.  What amazed me was how little they relied on grown ups; not for problem solving, not for ideas, not for supplies, not for affirmation or assurance.  Dress scarves became skirts, sticks became wands, rocks turned into gems, boxes into cameras.  Their imaginations worked with synergy yielding hours and hours of fun and entertainment.  

A favorite theme was playing house - you be the mama and I'll be the baby.  They traded roles and, at times, included the younger brother in their play.  They took turns bossing him around to be sure.  They put baby to bed, dressed him, bathed him, rocked him, fed him.  So fun to see them emulate their every day observations of parenting.

Perhaps my favorite moments, however, were the moments of conflict.  Conflict management and mediation are my thing.  It's what I do at work, often, and I really enjoy helping others come to understanding.  Much to my dismay, I've noted that fewer and fewer college students come equipped with skills for conflict.  But, not these two.  

Here's what you might hear if you were a fly on the wall:

          I'll be the mama and you be the baby.

          No, I want to be the mama today.

          I'm older so I get to say who is the mama.

          But you were the mama yesterday.  It's my turn.

          (Voices rising) I don't want to play with you if I can't be the mama.

          If I can't be the mama you won't be my cousin anymore.

          I don't like you anymore.

          (Tears) I want to be your cousin because I love you and I will miss you if you are not my cousin.

          (Pause) Okay.  I want you to be my cousin too.  You can be the mama today, but I'll be the mama tomorrow.

Listening. Explaining. Naming feelings and fears.  Honest. Open. Compromising.

It seems to me that even every day grown ups can learn a lot from the play of these two little ladies. Nope, no developmental psychologist needed.  Just a little presence and listening and meaning making.  Just a little of our every day.