an accident

It began as most February winter mornings do - cold and dreary with a soft layer of new fallen snow on the ground.  Our morning routine wrapped up successfully and I dropped the kids off at daycare in comfortable time.  As I headed up the familiar steep hill, I concerned my mind with the potential oncoming traffic that makes its presence known suddenly, often causing a quick veer toward the edge of the road.  The road narrow, without berm, drainage ditches lining both sides.

In an instant, my tire caught the edge of the road.  I watched as my front right side sunk deep into the ditch and I exhaled.  Time stood still and the van bounced violently from ditch to air to grass; forced left and back onto the road, missing the tree by inches.  

I cannot recall or imagine what my feet were doing.  Did I brake?  Did I accelerate?  I do not know. 

My arms steered.  Did it matter?  I do not know.

The car stopped as suddenly as it began.  There was no other car traveling toward me that would have spurred my movement off the road.  Just me.  

'What happened,' I wondered.  I do not know.

I found my coffee cup under the gas pedal emptying in gulps onto the floor.  The visor had been forced down as though shielding me from the sun.  I got out of the car, shaking, breathing.  There seemed to be little damage.  

The tire tracks in the snow, however, told a story of luck or grace or guardian angel.  The deep descent into the ditch, the air born seconds between ditch and landing, the narrow escape from front end collision.  Again, it seemed only right to breathe.  There was a prayer of gratitude in that breath.

I got back in and drove off slowly.  The van drove as though it had been on a simple adventure.  Only the steering column forgot to straighten itself.

A day later, the car has been examined and appears to have minimal damage, mostly cosmetic.  Though the memories and what-ifs haunt my every thought.  Time will heal this, I know.  Wrapped in those memories, though, is a deep thankfulness for how it happened and who was not in the van with me and that there were no other parties involved.  So, I try to hang onto the thankfulness and breathe out the what-ifs.  And know, in the breathing, that God is oh. so. good!