"the church"

Reredos

On my mind today is another of those big questions.  At the risk of being too brief, I'll start with some thoughts today and likely revisit this topic again...

"The church" is a concept I've been struggling with for a while now.  I grew up in "the church" because my parents raised me in the church.  But I've continued with "the church" as an adult because I'm seeking a spiritual foundation for myself and for my children.  I am involved in "the church."  I've served on committees, conducted children's choirs, directed hand bell choirs, played flute for countless worship services at many different churches, and I've occasionally sung in choirs.  I've read Scripture readings during worship, assisted with Sunday school and have taught vacation Bible school.  I'm definitely connected with "the church."

There is much about "the church" that I love, that sustains me, that fuels me.  I love liturgy and worship.  I can recall many Sunday mornings where I've seen the thread that runs through the music, scripture, the prayers, and the sermon and I've walked away from worship renewed. 

I love ritual - communion, the order of worship, baptism, stations of the cross at Lent, church seasons, colors of church seasons - particularly when I understand and learn about the significance of each ritual.  For example, baptism means something different to many Christians, but for those of us who believe that we are saved by grace alone, baptism is a ritual in which God welcomes us as a child of God.  It doesn't matter who we are, who are family is, where we come from, or who we will grow up to be, God says, "You are mine."

Pipe organ: St. Paul's Cathedral

I LOVE music.  More than once in my life, I've been blessed with amazing music directors and music programs (the sign of a true Lutheran!).  I know, first-hand, the transformation that music can make in a worship experience.  I know how music can lift me up and carry me to places beyond my human experience - festival Sundays, holidays, anniversary and ordination celebration, Lenten mid-week services, weekly worship.  

Worship music has made me weep, glow, shiver, shine, smile, and fly.  It has always been that I've felt closest to God through music - listening, singing, playing, practicing; traditional hymns, classical, contemporary, African, instrumental or vocal.  I've often felt that music is the language that can transcend cultural difference, religious difference, generational difference - any difference for that matter.

But, lately "the church" seems cold, stuck, lost, dying.  

The empty pews and lack of energy in worship, as well as the physically cold temperatures leave my weekly visit feeling incomplete, unbalanced.  

The resistance to change our worship style or to try new styles of music within worship makes me frustrated.  

Our emphasis on tradition and ritual in a geographic area that seems much more inclined to discard tradition and ritual to be replaced with fundamental and conservative ideals combined with contemporary, activity-filled worship makes me wonder if we are sustainable.  Quite frankly, my weekly worship experience makes me wonder if I can be sustained by "the church."

Of course this is why I'm turning to meditation, prayer, and reflection for spiritual sustenance.  I'm not finding it from with out, so I'm looking within.  As for "the church," I'm not going anywhere.  

I will pray that I can look beyond what I want worship to be.

I will pray that I can be part of a solution for "the church."

I will pray that I can merge the parts of "the church" that I love with my own personal journey so that they are symbiotic rather than separate and distinct.

I will pray and meditate and reflect.