I've been sharing my blog entries with my husband and he's asked good questions. I'm not sure that he truly understands where I'm going with this personal journey, but I don't know that it would be fair to expect him to. It's not that he doesn't want to understand, it's just that...
it is my journey fueled by an inner yearning for patience, peace, and understanding
it is a personal incompleteness that experiences frustration each Sunday morning as we sit in church
it is an uncontrollable urge to be transformed and to look to God for that transformation
it is a desire to look within me for this personal and transformative connection - no longer within the ways that I've traditionally been fed spiritually (worship and music). I'm by no means abandoning those methods. They are important, but no longer enough.
So, in answer to my husband's questions, here's what I'm after (my goals, if you will):
- A closer and deeper connection with God, one which is transformative*
- A sense of peace which can help me become more patient, more understanding, better at listening to others and the world around me
- A stronger connection to nature and our human connection with nature
- A deeply rooted foundation on which I can raise my children, one which I can articulate and translate for them
Transformative: by this I mean, a process through which I can change those traits I own that limit me, hurt others, and drive distance between me and God. For example, I know that I can be very judgmental. I come by this honestly and it has served me well in my career and in my life, but I also know that I cannot turn this off and at times, this characteristic can deeply wound and hurt those I care about.
The first step of my journey...
Wow -- what amazing reflection -- and you articulate it so clearly, I think making that commitment to transformation that much more significant!
ReplyDeleteI am so happy to be able to again be part of your every day -- and "in your mind"!
I've missed you my friend!
XO Claudine