Unpacking

Forgive me as I work through some of the issues, inconsistencies, and struggles I've been having with the church.  I've been tentative about getting to these topics so quickly after starting this blog, but I really need to get them out of my head and into a space where I can begin to make sense of them.  I promise that once I empty the frustrations and draining questions about the church that I'll move back into my journey to find God's unconditional love within me.  Somehow, this feels a necessary step in my process!

For years, I have relied solely on the church (see yesterday's post) for spiritual nourishment.  Recently, I haven't found that nourishment from the church so I've been exploring other places.  I need to be rather honest, though.  I own the problem, not the church.  As I eluded to yesterday, I have had the good fortune of being a part of strong church communities where worship, among other things, gave me all I needed to get through each week.  

Most recently, we were part of a congregation with a strong children's and youth ministry, a pastor who was progressive in nature, but grounded in Scripture, a music ministry that could only be surpassed with professional musicians.  We worked hard to sustain a welcoming and inviting church experience for visitors, while strengthening our own community. In my time at this church, we experienced some ugly events that splendidly captured our human falleness.  Lay leaders stepped up in the absence of a pastor and began the healing process for our congregation.  In the meantime, other lay leaders worked hard to keep worship, music, Christian education, and community alive.  Oh, I miss this church home.

We moved from this church family when I accepted a job elsewhere and moved to an area where there are not a lot of Lutheran churches, but I feel fully grounded in the Lutheran tradition.  The few Lutheran churches in this area are far more conservative, traditional and rooted in what they've always known and always done.  For the first time in my church life, I've begun to understand why Lutherans have a reputation for being averse to change.  But, I can't begin to understand this aversion.

Did the Lutheran church not begin on the entire premise of change?  Luther never wanted a new church.  He wanted reform in the Catholic church which he loved so much.  

So, we don't change what we do, mostly.  

Other churches around us have changed a lot of what they do to meet the interests of the people living in this community.  The churches who offer contemporary worship, Sunday school in conjunction with traditional worship, praise band opportunities, youth retreats, and week night Bible and fellowship activities for children are booming.  They are alive and filled with energy.  They have families and children (I can count on two hands the number of families with children we have at our church)! But they don't have formal liturgy or ritual.

Just after our arrival, I remember thinking out loud to a fellow church member who happened to be a coworker and saying with surprise, "Our church is so conservative!?"  He replied, "The Lutheran church IS conservative."  I was knocked over with this assertion.  Never did I feel any political alignment in the churches I attended.  Never were social issues (abortion, sexual orientation, etc.) at the heart of our existence.  I felt like a fish out of water.

In fact, I would have suggested that the church's emphasis on reaching out to the poor, feeding the hungry, and serving the marginalized coupled with the recent social statements published by the larger church, show that the Lutheran church is far from conservative.  So, why are we stuck in this time warp?

I've shopped.  Believe me, I've shopped for another church.  I've reviewed worship schedules and formats, I've searched for children and youth programs, I've explored music ministry opportunities, I've talked with families that attend other churches, I've visited other churches.  But, I always come back to this - grace alone, faith alone, Word alone.  

Here are the things I believe and I can't say that they are all really Lutheran.  But I do know that these beliefs keep me where I am, despite my discontent with the church.

• I believe that we are ALL children of God.
• I believe that God extended her Grace through the life, death, and resurrection of her Son, Jesus Christ.
• I believe that we are called, as Christians, to love - when it's hard, when others don't, when we can't.  This love should be without judgment and without condition, but with understanding and compassion.
• I believe that we are context bound.  If we are born Muslim, we will be bound to a belief system that most Christians cannot comprehend.  A belief system that we are not permitted to challenge or question.  A belief system so part of our history, family, and daily existence that we wouldn't even think to question it.  Yet, I cannot believe in a God that would condemn us for this.  Therefore, we, as humans, should not condemn others.
• I believe in the presence and power of the Holy Spirit.

So, how to reconcile this?  How do I find spiritual nourishment (I'll save an update on my meditation practice for another day)?  How do I have patience and understanding with the people who make up the church, including myself?  How do I overcome my frustration with my current worship experience?  How do I learn what appropriate worship should be?  One thing I can say is that one big question surely leads to the next...

Until next time, peace be with you.