So, I've tried meditation a few times and haven't really figured it out. I've read a lot about it and read a lot of stories and blogs from folks who have learned to meditate. I've read their struggles and trials and failures and successes. Today, I purchased two books - one about meditation from a secular perspective and one about meditation from a Christian perspective. Now I will anxiously await that brown box with the amazon.com label which will contain my two crisp new books.
Here's the thing, I am not great at reading non-fiction. I had to read The Ghost Map for work this past summer - a very well written, non-fiction story about how science, faith, and the overcrowding of a city led to the discovery of the causes and treatment of cholera in London, England. It was a good book, but I dragged my feet every night as I headed to bed for my coveted 15 minutes of reading. I loved the interdisciplinary perspective and the way the book wove a myriad of scholarly areas into one story - science, politics, sociology, ministry, and more. But, I HATED reading it.
One thing I know is that uncovering God within me will require a similar kind of difficulty and discomfort - all things worthwhile do. Perhaps this may be the most uncomfortable unearthing of my inner self ever. Perhaps that is what I fear the most in trying to share my devotion between faith and family.
As a family unit, I feel that we are on pretty solid ground these days. We know our routines, we know each others roles in the family unit, we know how to support and challenge each other, we know what's expected. We also know each others shortcomings and weaknesses, including my short fuse and lack of patience (one of the weaknesses I hope to change in my search for deeper relationship with God). But, if I begin this transformation in Christ, how will this change our family unit? Will we be stronger and more grounded? Will things get so scrambled that we will fall apart? How many stories I've heard that involve the transformation of one and the dissolution of the family. I don't want THAT to happen to us!
And so, more questions, but those will come another day...
Oh my dear friend -- so glad to see you've begun! (Well, you've been in the process I imagine, but have begun documenting it by blog!)
ReplyDeleteI think that the fear of the unraveling is so often what holds us back. The fear of what will be undone, what will be uncovered, and how it will make us different.
Though the alternative is going along as if we are wearing too tight of shoes...
I am excited to follow along this journey of yours!