Moments to Cherish

There is something about Sundays that I absolutely love.  It has nothing to do with church or faith.  It is the sweetest moment of my week.  It is the most refueling moment of my week.  It is a moment of peace, and cuddling, and calm, and snuggling.  It is a moment I hope to hold onto forever.  It is a moment that I know will be gone soon enough.  For now, I will cherish and live it each and every Sunday!

Positive Thoughts

Today my thoughts center around a word - CONNECTIONS.

I've written before about the threads that connect world religions, the connectedness I am exploring and thankful to be finding.

In my work, I talk and train and read about meaningful connections that shape students' educational experiences - in-class content connected with out-of-class experience, interconnectedness between academic disciplines, student involvement connected with the development of transferable (i.e. employable) skills.

In my marriage, I am thankful for the connection my husband and I share.  I'm even more thankful for the new connections we have been finding lately.

But, today, I'm thinking of the connections we make when we read a book and then see our favorite book on film.  Last night, we went to see the opening of Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules.  This also happens to be the first "big" book my son has read cover-to-cover.  He's also read much of the other books in the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series, but the completion of this book filled a personal goal of his.

The rule in our house is that we don't see a movie until the book has been read.  This means that we won't see any of the Harry Potter movies until the kids have read the books (this is partially because the movies are too scary, yet, for the ages and temperaments of my children).  Oh, how they wish to see the movies!

So, my son has made some connections:

• Completing a book or meeting a goal feels great!
• Seeing the movie after having read the book is great!
• The movie was different than the book!
• The book is always better!

 There is another way to see the connections that were made in our movie adventure.

My son has a good friend who shares an interest in the Diary of a Wimpy Kid books.  We invited his friend to the show.  Also, my daughters have watched their big brother and his excitement!  They look up to him and are eager to be like him.  They joined us on our adventure. 

From one simple goal of reading a book before seeing it on film, we've made lots of connections - the learning kind, the friend kind, the family kind, and the celebration kind.

(Unfortunately, my youngest daughter threw up during the movie, so I didn't capture any of the pictures I had hoped to share.  I was relegated to cleaning her up and sitting with her in the car until the movie was over.  Oh, I hate the smell of sick children!)

Context, please

I came upon  a website this evening which made me say "Amen!"  

http://www.dalailama.com/messages/religious-harmony

I've mentioned many times in my writing that I believe our faith formation is largely context bound, meaning if we are born into Christianity we are likely to live our lives as Christians.  If we are born in the Middle East and know only Islam, I believe we will practice Islam.  Yes, many question their faith.  Some change denominations or groups within their faith tradition.  And, yes, some will convert.  

But, I know how strongly I feel rooted in my on Christian tradition.  I know that in my questioning, I will remain a faithful believer of the Gospel.  I'm also confident that I would continue to practice Buddhism if I was born into it and would not be swayed to convert to Christianity.

Recently, we've been teaching my son the concept of context. At age seven, he is proficient at sharing a highlight of his day as a short and simple statement that appears to have come from nowhere. 

"Mom, Greg only had his underwear on when that woman saw him."

With a screwed up face that reads "Huh," we reply, "Context, please."

"Oh, in the book Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules, Greg is running around in his underwear and hides in a bathroom and a woman is in the stall next to him and she realizes that he is in there."

Even my seven year old son realizes the importance context can play in helping one fully understand a story, a culture, a people, a faith.

 

The link above is an excerpt from a speech the Dalai Lama gave on Religious Harmony.  He highlights some of the threads and commonalities most world religions share.  He shows respect, genuine and heart-felt respect, for any person whether they have faith or not. He acknowledges the role context plays in our lives and our faith.

This speech was, for me, affirming and inspiring.  Perhaps I feel I've been granted  permission to believe that we are all going to Heaven (or can all achieve Nirvana) and, with a smirk on my face, can say, because the Dalai Lama said so.

Meditation Reflection

Within my first few weeks practicing meditation, I've tried methods that focus on breath, noise, or thoughts and exploring my body.  I've had more luck with some methods over others, but have enjoyed trying them all.  I'm wondering if I can put into words what I feel happening during and as a result of meditation.

I've been introduced to the idea of meditation as allowing what is - in other words, not judging the many thoughts that come racing into the meditating mind, acknowledging that the thoughts are there, and gently moving away from them.  I am growing in my ability to do this during meditation. The mental conversation used to go something like this - "I'm going to meditate now.  So if you, dear thoughts, could kindly quiet down, I would be appreciative."  Three seconds later - "I know that you want to take this space, dear thoughts, but it isn't your turn.  Please be quiet."  Three seconds later - "Alright, already.  Stop. Just stop. I want to be quiet.  I want to listen for God.  You are in my way, dear thoughts."  And so on...

Now, I can sit patiently through each meditation session, knowing that the thoughts are coming and the conversation goes like this.  "Well, hello thought.  I've been expecting you.  Thank you for coming and I'll see you again tomorrow."  And then, I literally watch my thought float away.  This week, I've even been attentive to the space between thoughts and there really is space - lovely, peaceful, quiet space.

What amazes me is how this notion of allowing what is peaks into my daily routine from time to time.  I feel more patient, less anxious.  I've approached conversations with less extreme emotion than eight weeks ago.  Within the context of phone conversations, or student emails, or coworker tensions, I've heard a little voice say "allow what is" and immediately there is a sense of peace.  That's a cool feeling!

I enjoy the time and feel confident that I will continue the practice.  I look forward to moving through the other four techniques presented in the book I'm reading and hope to someday work with a friend, a teacher, a guru to deepen this experience.  But, I'm loving where I am today!

Aha Moment

Dear readers - Today's post is heavy and really just stuff that I needed to get out of my head and onto another space.  It was good processing for me.  If you are looking for a story, please wait for another post.  Otherwise, read on...  

I started this blog, titled Finding My Way, with the premise that I was lost trying to find my way in the world.  That was a mere six weeks ago.  I've discovered that I am not lost, rather attempting to cull together all I know and believe into a framework that makes sense for me.  What I've discovered, at 37 years of age, is that my own lens matters and that my perspective on life is changing.

I'm reading a book in which the author spends an entire chapter reminiscing about her childhood education in the subject of history.  She was taught history as a factual subject in which the student could simply memorize and spit back dates, rulers, class structures, wars and conflicts and walk away fully informed about the history of our world.  I don't know about you, but it sounds much like my own history education.

What she discovered, at a far earlier age than I, is that history is a mere recollection of events sometimes pieced together without evidence or actual knowledge of the event.  Moreover, history is often told through the eyes of the beholder.  So, our history books are sometimes as much fiction as the novel I am reading.

This notion of history as "reconstruction almost always flawed" got me to thinking.  Thinking about the thing that has been at the center of my disharmony - my faith.  At first I wanted to blame my internal dissonance on our move to a rural, conservative area.  Then I wanted to blame my close daily work with the fundamentalist Christians in my office.  Then I began to question the history of the church, liturgy, even the impetus behind writers of the Bible.  Then I started to connect with Eastern ways of life.   I'm beginning to question and wonder about the things I've always known to be true.  My old paradigm doesn't fit in today's world of religious controversy and competition.

But, my "aha moment" came this morning.

So, my old paradigm doesn't fit.  So, I have questions.  So, there are pieces of many religious practices that resonate with me.  So, I like to read about the threads that run through many world religions.  So, I believe we are all bound to our context of origin and no culture is more right or more god-like than another.  So, I believe we are all going to Heaven despite what my Christian affiliation may argue.  So, like the author above, I've learned that religion, like history, doesn't happen in facts, laws, or liturgy. 

Faith can be constructed and held through the eyes of the faithful.  My faith can be constructed through my eyes.

It is nice to be in a place where I can grapple with this cacaphony of noise in my head and know that I will make sense of it.  It is nice to believe that I can cull together my knowledge, thoughts, and experiences with different world religions, theologies, and ways of life to make my own perspective.  It is nice to finally believe that my lens matters, if only to me.

So, I've changed the title of my blog to Through My Eyes...

Positive Thoughts

Today's positive thought was easy to find.  My oldest two children had a day free from school.  My daughter spent the day with Grandma for craft making, gardening, and shopping.  But my son got to spend it at work with me.

For my kids, there are some really special things about "mom's work."  There are always M&Ms outside my office (compliments of my coworkers), television, hot chocolate, and sometimes popcorn in the student coffee house around the corner, a stage and large, open running space adjacent to the coffee house, and a building full of mystery.

Today, my son discovered a REAL mystery!

So, I handed him the camera (to be just like Cam Jansen) and sent him off to spy...

While he was clearly not in the mood to write the whole story, I am eager to share!

It all started when, after lunch, my son saw a "riding thing" moving about the building.  He just couldn't believe that you could drive something INSIDE the building.  He had to find it!

He went to the third floor, poked his head around the corner, and there it was - a lift (used to change light bulbs that are really high in the air).  Once he discovered the lift and the two men driving it, he watched quietly.  Then he darted down to the food area to give me the full report.  

As he was telling of his great spy work, one of the two men walked down the center staircase.  He said kindly, "Oh, you were the little boy upstairs."  My son looked at me and uttered, "Busted".  "I am 50% percent, though, Mom.  The other guy didn't see me.  If he had, I'd be 0% and if neither guy saw me, I'd be 100%."

We decided that he should find out what they were planning to do with the lift and where they were going.  He searched the building high and low.  

 He even gathered a search team (my secretary who was all too willing to leave her desk and loves Cam Jansen books).  

 
 The duo even recruited Public Safety officers to help them solve the, now, Case of the Missing Lift.

My son got a tip!  The lift was often stored in a room call Studio, which is really a large storage area that may some day be the television studio for the College.  With keys in hand, the Public Safety Supervisor escorted my son to the Studio.

His heart raced as they approached the ominous set of doors.  

  

The Public Safety Supervisor turned the keys and my son swallowed hard.

There it was...              back in its home...                      THE LIFT.

(And he forgot to get the photo in all his excitement!)

Cam Jansen he is not.  But a budding spy/detective, filled with curiosity, he is.  This was the best part of the day for him.

For me, though, it was this...

Signs of Spring

The sights and smells and sounds of Spring finally arrived today.  

The sweet smell of cool morning air, 

the chirping chatter of the birds, 

 (I couldn't make the birds sit still long enough for a photo...)

the new green shoots of early Spring flowers, 

the crystal clear blue of the sky, 

the sweet pink cheeks from being outside, 

and the warm stale air of a car that has sat all day in the sun.

And so we enjoyed every bit of it!

Journey

I'm aching to write today, but as I sit I cannot even think where to begin.  I'm fully back in the swing of things at home, at work, at play.  And, boy, does it feel like it.

As I was considering what to write, all that comes to mind are these words - dizzying, busy, overwhelmed, whirling, hectic, too much, imbalance.  

I've been told that some of my writing (particularly those like today) is depressing.  I've pondered this a lot.  I've never intended my writings to be depressing, nor am I depressed about my life.  Truthfully, I feel amazingly blessed by my life.  I have an amazing husband, three wonderful (and wonder full) children, a close and supportive family, a strong faith in something larger than myself or this world, a job that I love and has meaning for me.  I have much to be thankful for.

The reality is, despite my amazing life, my mind and heart and soul sit anxiously waiting for some resolve or peace or balance.  I don't know exactly what... But, I know that they are not settled and I know that good things come from healthy tension that sits inside us.  I believe that fully. 

I can't escape this feeling that there is more in me that needs expressed, there are passions and gifts untapped.  My sense is this is the source of my internal tension.  Some may call this self-actualization.  Maslow is quoted, "What a man can be, he must be."  

I also believe that somehow these gifts and passions are connected to issues of faith and social justice.  That's the most difficult to unpack because I have no idea where to begin in my exploration of either.  Meditation has been a fruitful beginning, but it is just that - a beginning. 

Apparently, I found words to express and ideas to share.  As I reread, I also realize more about who and where I am.  To my readers, know that I am well and feel fortunate to be in a place in life where my basic needs are met and I can explore things simply for their meaning.  Perhaps some of this is heavy, but I hope you won't find it depressing.  For me, well, I'm at the beginning of this journey.  And imbalanced as it may be, I am excited to see what I can find!

Positive Thoughts

I woke this morning to this...

and a 5:30 a.m. wake up call announcing a two-hour delay for the elementary school...

and I thought, "Oh SHIT! This day is already chaotic!"

And then I remembered that I committed to Positive Thoughts entries on Fridays...

and thought, "Doubtful!"

Then something happened.  With a two hour delay before me and three sleeping children, I headed to my meditation space and entered meditation.  It was calming, peaceful, different...

From the chaos came a moment.  A moment I was just lamenting yesterday.  I departed my meditation and saw the same late winter snow and the same two-hour delay as a gift rather than chaos.  

Can you see it?

Balance

A Reflection:  I find myself at the end of a day which has been a rat race at best.  I'm holding myself together while I sense that I am quickly losing grasp of the peace of mind I discovered while home after surgery.  I've been able to maintain my meditation practice, thankfully.  But, I've lost the space for walking.  I'm chest deep in the things that drove my crazy and hectic life before I embraced the time to slow down.  

I can't say that I am surprised.  Going, going, going is who I have always been.  But I REALLY enjoyed being able to be truly present in the moment - to savor it, to be in it, to explore it and enjoy it.  The ability to just "be" is slipping away despite the clenching of my fists to the rope holding it near me.

While I'm back to the going, going, going, there is definitely resistance within me.  My mind has always been able to hold a multitude of tasks in one space which I credit for my ability to vision,to make meaningful connections, and to keep our family unit going.  In one breath, I would be writing a proposal, creating a birthday party invitation, getting bags packed for school, then soccer, and planning my next bell rehearsal.  Today, holding more than one thought in my mind makes my mind shut down.  I've let planning go and know that I will be paying the consequences  soon enough.  I'm not sure if my mental energy is still recuperating or if I'm fighting myself in an effort to hold onto those peaceful, reflective moments I had.

I started my writing by asking how I might hold family, faith, and work in one life and give each the attention they deserve.  Later I wondered if I might continue this spiritual journey upon reentering the busyness of my life.  Today, I'm thinking of balance and how this is achieved.  Is there really balance?  Can I hold all the things that are in my life, yet commit to the quiet, peaceful, reflective moments? 

I view my mind's resistance to processing all the "to do" list items and know that I've changed.  I know that my body, mind, and spirit are not willing to end the journey they've begun.  For this I am thankful.  But, today, I am also doubtful.  

Ahhhhh....perhaps balance is found somewhere between - somewhere between hope and doubt, peace and busy, the time spent with children and time spent alone, the time in action and the time in thought.  To settle somewhere in the middle would be nice...maybe...balanced.

Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down

Four weeks of meditation and now we enter the season of Lent.  I'm welcoming Ash Wednesday and this season of reflection with open arms.  Yes, because the inward look at self as a spiritual being is right up my ally.  For some, Lent is a time of fasting.  For some, Lent is a time of prayer.  For some, Lent does not exist.

For me, Lent is what I hope for every day of my life - a time to sit quietly with God, a time to examine myself and my humanness and all that it brings.  

Meditation has truly helped me do this these last few weeks and I am eager to see where meditation takes me.  

Some days, I feel like I'm failing at meditation.  Some days, I am hopeful.  Most days, I am in awe of the number of thoughts my mind holds in one space.  But, the quiet moments are delightful, renewing, energizing.  I do notice more patience in the way I live each day and more patience with myself.  I do notice that I'm not always allowing the things around me to "get me going".

I'm hopeful this Lent to make connections between what I know of my Christian faith with what I'm learning about spirituality around the world.  As I learn, I hope to reconcile the unrest within my heart and find that place of balance and peace that I believe is the thread that connects all spiritual people on earth.

May this season of Lent be a time of meaningful reflection for you, too.  Peace be with you.

Purple

Lent is quickly approaching and it is my FAVORITE time of year.  Most people will identify their favorite time of year by holidays, seasons, or birthdays.  So, I knew I was unique when I definitively discovered that I love the church season of Lent. 

I love everything about it!  I love the contemplation, self examination, the change in mood of the liturgy music and hymns.  I love the sacrificial way of being, putting away of the Alleluias, fasting, focusing on the poor.  But, mostly, I LOVE the color purple.

Purple has long been the color of Lent in the church (at least those that acknowledge the season of Lent).  I've known it to be the liturgical color, but wondered how that came to be.  I discovered that the use of liturgical colors other than white or black is really a relatively modern phenomenon, dating back only to the 1960s when the Roman Rite was adopted by the Catholic church under Pope Paul VI. 

I also learned that purple is a color that holds both a cool color (blue) and a warm color (red) making it a balanced color.  It is strongly associated with spiritual understanding and the crown chakra which is located at the top of the head.  It seems to be a favorite color of very creative and eccentric types and Leonardo da Vinci said that meditation can be enhanced by the use of purple light (i.e. from a stained glass window).  I'll have to try that.

So, perhaps, in light of my recent self reflective, spiritual journey, inside my own head and heart, seeking balance and a deeper connection with God, it is easy to understand why purple is my favorite color!

One thing that has been interesting to me in my journey is that religion in the east and west are so different, yet there are strong threads that run through each.  Some of the books I've read recently discuss this and much of my findings about the color purple reflect this as well. 

This discovery connects with my developing belief that there is no one right and true faith.  That faith is context bound, broken in our humanness, yet connected by one larger presence.  So, maybe purple is my yin and yang, hot and cold, east and west.  Maybe purple is the color of my faith!

Positive Thoughts

I was conducting an interview today with a candidate for an entry level position.  She asked me what I thought we did well in my department and what I thought was not going well.  I giggled at the question!  Why?  Because I'm great a explaining what we are not doing well and what we could be doing better.  Funny that she would ask me to think positive thoughts on a Friday, I thought.

So, I'll focus today's positive thoughts on my work this week:

It is so easy to be frustrated with college students, but I need to remember that they are growing, learning, challenging, pushing boundaries, making mistakes, and then, growing and learning.

I'm thankful for the amazing student leaders I watch and work with daily.

I'm thankful for the students who ask good questions.

I'm thankful for the mistakes students make and I'm thankful that many will rely on me to help them learn from their mistakes.

I'm thankful for the students who bring with them serious mental health issues.  They remind me of my purpose in their lives.  They remind me how fragile students can be.  They evoke an emotional response from me and help me remember that I may bring emotion into my work.

I'm thankful for the students that are angry at college administration (whether they should be or not).  Maybe these students will stand up to our government administration when they are angry about that, too.

I'm thankful for students with disabilities who advocate for themselves even if it is irritating or inconvenient for me.  At least they are learning to use their voice.

I'm thankful to have the good fortune to work with individuals who are thoughtfully and intentionally mapping out a plan for their lives, learning who they are and constructing who they will be.

For I've learned that these important four years set the foundation for a lifetime of learning, reflecting, exploring, changing, discovering, thanking, becoming, and finding our way.

Celebration

So, today was my first day back to work.

I woke up early and found a quiet moment to meditate!

I got three children off to school and myself off to work (with some help from my mother)!

I greeted lots of happy faces and caring co-workers!

I had three meetings before noon!

I walked for 30 minutes at lunch!

I had a productive afternoon!

At 4:45 p.m., I turned my computer off and only hurt a little bit!

I rode home with my husband, picked up the kids, and came home to homemade soup and brownies.

And I stole a few minutes to write this!

I'm exhausted, but celebrating one day of success, holding onto the things I'd hope to make habits while reentering my "normal" life.

Cheers!