I'm aching to write today, but as I sit I cannot even think where to begin. I'm fully back in the swing of things at home, at work, at play. And, boy, does it feel like it.
As I was considering what to write, all that comes to mind are these words - dizzying, busy, overwhelmed, whirling, hectic, too much, imbalance.
I've been told that some of my writing (particularly those like today) is depressing. I've pondered this a lot. I've never intended my writings to be depressing, nor am I depressed about my life. Truthfully, I feel amazingly blessed by my life. I have an amazing husband, three wonderful (and wonder full) children, a close and supportive family, a strong faith in something larger than myself or this world, a job that I love and has meaning for me. I have much to be thankful for.
The reality is, despite my amazing life, my mind and heart and soul sit anxiously waiting for some resolve or peace or balance. I don't know exactly what... But, I know that they are not settled and I know that good things come from healthy tension that sits inside us. I believe that fully.
I can't escape this feeling that there is more in me that needs expressed, there are passions and gifts untapped. My sense is this is the source of my internal tension. Some may call this self-actualization. Maslow is quoted, "What a man can be, he must be."
I also believe that somehow these gifts and passions are connected to issues of faith and social justice. That's the most difficult to unpack because I have no idea where to begin in my exploration of either. Meditation has been a fruitful beginning, but it is just that - a beginning.
Apparently, I found words to express and ideas to share. As I reread, I also realize more about who and where I am. To my readers, know that I am well and feel fortunate to be in a place in life where my basic needs are met and I can explore things simply for their meaning. Perhaps some of this is heavy, but I hope you won't find it depressing. For me, well, I'm at the beginning of this journey. And imbalanced as it may be, I am excited to see what I can find!
Amazing that at times that your head is whirling about what to write all it takes is beginning...and it comes!
ReplyDeleteI don't hear your words shared in this way as depressed at all. To be able to explore and think so deeply and meaningfully, I think, you have to be in a good, stable, blessed place...this exploration is made possible by that. (As I too so well know.)